Couples therapy & premarital counseling

 A “heart withers if it does not answer another heart.” 

      Pearl S. Buck

My approach for couples work is based on Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based approach that has helped many couples regain hope and confidence for their intimate relationships in the past 30 years. The founder of EFT, Dr. Sue Johnson, lists three key components for maintaining a couple’s connection in her book Hold Me Tight:  

Accessibility: Can I reach you? 

Responsiveness: Can I rely on you to respond to me emotionally? 

Engagement: Do I know you will value me and stay close?

By re-framing the challenges couples face in these terms, I have witnessed how couples end the cycles that create disconnection.  They come to understand their relational needs and develop new ways of loving and being loved.

• Can I come to therapy by myself if my spouse/partner refuses to go?

           Yes, you can. Stress level triggered by conflicts in intimate relationships can be very intense. It is often very difficult to cope alone. Therapy can help to reduce the stress and improve understanding of the conflict even when only one person shows up. Most likely I would ask your permission to talk to your spouse/partner to see if it would be possible for him/her to come to even one session.

• How long do we need to be in therapy to see changes?

          Generally couples are in therapy for 6 to 12 months. There are many factors that can impact this time frame. Some factors include: both partners’ commitment to the relationship, desire to heal, frequency of therapy sessions, or past trauma in the relationship. Certain factors can decrease or increase the time you are in therapy.

• We are having sexual problems, can Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) help us?

          Yes, it can help. Sexual problems are often connected to intimacy and emotional closeness which is a primary focus in EFT.

• Insurance-related questions:

           Please see FAQ under "Individual Therapy".